Somehow, somewhere along the way, writing blog posts became a daunting task. I have a list of blog post ideas, a huge list actually, and yet when it comes down to write it, I freeze. I have a couple just-barely-incomplete drafts just sitting there, one about mourning my grandma and a couple others. I don’t think I’ve ever really gone into my draft box to finish incomplete posts.
Maybe it’s the fear of writing something less than awesome. Maybe something just mediocre. I’m not really sure what it is, but I want to start writing again. Just write, without much consideration of whether my points are making sense, whether my writing is any good or not. Just let it flow out of my fingertips and hope that the black marks that result actually make sense to someone else and not just me, if even just me.
I want to write well, but it’s hard when I’m afraid to try that I end up not writing at all. Also, writing about writing is a little bit funny and I just realized that I haven’t heard anyone talk about things being “meta” in a really long time. Perhaps writing without a clear format or rereading the things I write obsessively means that my posts will look like they have ADD.
On a related note, I’m beginning to write a lot more, but not meaningful writing. Meaning, I want to revamp my handwriting to be a little more legible, a little less like a 7 year old scraped it with a pencil in his palm, and a little more pleasant to look at. So I’m doing these little sheets where you have zig zags to practice the repetitive motion of up and down and up and down and moving them in little ways makes them into letters, then words, then sentences. It’s called “italic handwriting”, and I’m slowly teaching myself to write with my entire arm instead of just with my fingers. It’s a slow process.
I’m not sure why, but I’m a little bit enamored with the idea of writing by hand instead of typing things out. Funny, because I’m a programmer and I love technology and the idea is that technology makes everything better, but nothing feels better than receiving a hand-written letter in the mail. Personified, unable to be fully duplicated, just for you. I want to get to a point where I can just sit on the train and write out blog posts and not have half of the entire page crossed out, just as it would appear if my current blog post typing were somehow to be converted into pen and paper.
I feel like I’m writing to a diary. Good night, diary, and let’s hope that I can keep this flowing writing thing going instead of making a post about it and not making another post for a couple months.